Memory Tears

Things that trigger Memories of my Daddy!  I never know when these are going to pop up.  Sometimes it is a song that fires a quick memory jog, other times it is a conversation topic that leads me down this path.  Or some reference to an activity that he enjoyed.  Most of these are followed by a few tears; the tears of sadness are fading now and I just call them Memory Tears (a mixture of emotions including joy, remembrance, love, relief, fondness, longing, loss, anticipation and some sadness ).  I never know when these are going to pop up and a trigger might not effect me the same way twice.


Of course the normal ones like his birthday, Father’s Day, the day of his passing will probably always bring Memory Tears.  But simple pleasures like seeing a honey bee buzz around a flower now brings a smile instead of tears.  A lovely wooden bowl or box reminds me of the treasures I am lucky enough to hold; ones he made with his hands and of course a smile.   A hymn that we used to sing together in church will bring back fond memories and a few tears....


I have always been a tearful person.  I cry while reading a good book and even watching TV shows and Movies.  Someone else crying when I am with them will often bring tears.  When I am sick and someone asks me how I am....yep tears start flowing.  If I am frustrated and had enough that is when I am at my worst, it seems I can’t stop the flow.  Sometimes it is downright embarrassing.   Now add to this tearful list memories of my Dad, time spent with him, missing him...  


I get this trait, if you will, from him.  His eyes would turn misty in church during prayers, when he saw one of his children hurting, over the loss of a loved one or dear friend.  The last time I saw him tear up was just before his heart surgery.  After his pastor said a prayer I looked at him all teary eyed and I cried with him.   This was certainly not the last time for me to cry but for my Daddy there are no more tears (Revelation 21:4)


So next time I start to tear up I will remember it’s just part of who I am.   It makes me Ferrill’s daughter.  Sometimes I’m clumsy, but I’ve got family who love me.  And they know just where I stand.  It is a part of me and that is who I am (to take a few lines from Jessica Andrews).