During the first few weeks in Germany I was on foot with no family here so I did a lot of reading. I got a book you from my daughter-in-law (AM2) called "The Middle Place" and thought it was a good time to start reading this book. Not too far into the book I thought perhaps I should wait and not read this now... what with all that is going on back home...and I just put the book down and bawled like I had not done since I got to Germany and got that initial call from my husband (AM1); I probably needed to have a really good cry in order to release all the pent up emotion.
Then after that really good cry I continued to read. I could relate to so much of this (not on the same level as the author), being concerned about my children all while being fearful about my Dad and for that matter my Mom. I struggled through the book, taking time to cry some more and kept reading. It was a dreary day Saturday, cold and frosty and I had nothing better outside to do so I continued to read. Being the only daughter of a great man again I can relate, and having brothers that I trust, look up to and rely upon especially during this time brought this story line very close to home (minus the part about going through an illness myself). I put the book down Saturday evening and walked to a local church that I had read was having a program. Upon arrival I was told it was a private service and the door was closed on me (how rude). Oh well the cold air was refreshing and I needed to get some exercise so I walked around the block and back through the mall and back up to my room. The book kept drawing me back to the unread pages.
A women stuck between being a Mom and a daughter, an all to familiar feeling that I have grown to cherish at this stage in my life. I love my parents and as a daughter have been struggling with all they are going through these past few weeks, but sitting here in Germany I reflect on the fact that I am so proud of my children. Their stepping up and helping out as if I was there directing their involvement; doing the very things I would do I were there (APPLES AM1 would say).
So Sunday dawns and the book is half read; again the book is picked up and I spend the afternoon reading and reflecting. I shift into reflection noting I too call upon my family when it is time to circle the wagons, Daddy someone has kicked in our door can up come help install a new one, MDM I can't get this computer thing to work will you see what you can do, SAM dad is out of town and I need your help "I'll be right over Mom" is the response; this is my TAKE part of the relationship. On the GIVE side I must recognize AM1's role in our giving, lets give an extra few dollars this week...... how about we pick up the check, the kids would really like this new...how about we get both for Ryan...these all fit into his life motto faith family and friends, he is such a giving person. Giving up a good job and a close face to face relationship with his boys and parents to move halfway across the world to be with his wife, oh how he amazes me!
I finish the book early Sunday evening, tears stain my cheeks, not necessarily tears of sadness; tears of joy over good times remembered, tears for things (good and bad) to come; struggles with end of life on earth both friends and families members and joy looking forward to new live yet to come (let's face it I am a crier and I get this from my Dad). I count my blessings, 3 loving, kind brothers, 2 sets of loving parents that while aging can continue to be looked upon as having set a wonderful example for myself and my children, a husband that lives by his word and loves the lord and his family, children that when the day is finished live up to Proverbs 22:6.
Then there are the girls in my life, AM3 who came into SAM's life and helped bring him back to family and help him remember his responsibilities, my granddaughter (RM) a true joy; her face lights up when she see me and I am in awe of the love she has in her sweet little heart for her entire large extended family. And then there is AM2. She came into our lives so many years ago, she calls us her own and blesses us with her faith, her love of adventure but seeks out and finds comfort in tradition! Oh how I love these girls, I see things while I am out and think oh, AM2 would like to see this and this song reminds me of AM3 and how fun it would be to share this with RM. These girls are the remembrances of my youth and complement the other side of my middle, the Moms in my life (Grammy and Mema).
So the book is finished, the tears are shed (ok I am a sap) and I have reflected on the joys and sorrows of family and life. I have wondered often over the last 3 weeks if I have made a BIG mistake in making this move to Germany, it has been trying to say the least but I think I have grown in my faith and am stronger. I know the move is temporary and it is a great adventure I hope to be able to share with my children and grandchildren in years to come! I know i will miss some important milestones the next few years but hope and strive to remain so very close through frequent contact (email, skype and snail mail; thank goodness for technology) !!
I am rich indeed!
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