Memory Tears

Things that trigger Memories of my Daddy!  I never know when these are going to pop up.  Sometimes it is a song that fires a quick memory jog, other times it is a conversation topic that leads me down this path.  Or some reference to an activity that he enjoyed.  Most of these are followed by a few tears; the tears of sadness are fading now and I just call them Memory Tears (a mixture of emotions including joy, remembrance, love, relief, fondness, longing, loss, anticipation and some sadness ).  I never know when these are going to pop up and a trigger might not effect me the same way twice.


Of course the normal ones like his birthday, Father’s Day, the day of his passing will probably always bring Memory Tears.  But simple pleasures like seeing a honey bee buzz around a flower now brings a smile instead of tears.  A lovely wooden bowl or box reminds me of the treasures I am lucky enough to hold; ones he made with his hands and of course a smile.   A hymn that we used to sing together in church will bring back fond memories and a few tears....


I have always been a tearful person.  I cry while reading a good book and even watching TV shows and Movies.  Someone else crying when I am with them will often bring tears.  When I am sick and someone asks me how I am....yep tears start flowing.  If I am frustrated and had enough that is when I am at my worst, it seems I can’t stop the flow.  Sometimes it is downright embarrassing.   Now add to this tearful list memories of my Dad, time spent with him, missing him...  


I get this trait, if you will, from him.  His eyes would turn misty in church during prayers, when he saw one of his children hurting, over the loss of a loved one or dear friend.  The last time I saw him tear up was just before his heart surgery.  After his pastor said a prayer I looked at him all teary eyed and I cried with him.   This was certainly not the last time for me to cry but for my Daddy there are no more tears (Revelation 21:4)


So next time I start to tear up I will remember it’s just part of who I am.   It makes me Ferrill’s daughter.  Sometimes I’m clumsy, but I’ve got family who love me.  And they know just where I stand.  It is a part of me and that is who I am (to take a few lines from Jessica Andrews).

Day 2 of Thankfulness

I am thankful for the “things" I have here in Germany that remind me of home and my extended family.

I have some wonderful wooden pieces that my father carved, a clock my parents gave me years ago, a peanut pillow my mother made to rest my head upon, the Bible my husband got me for Christmas in 1994, a blanket to cover me on a chilly winter evening that is screen printed with photos of my children and their families, a circle of friends candle holder given to me by my daughter-in-law, a photo album my niece got for me for my 50th birthday that I am filling with pictures of our adventures, a coffee table my in-laws got for us a few Christmas’ ago, a Delft Blue Pig plate clock, a salt and pepper shaker and a very special Sisters candle holder from siblings. All of our furniture and collectibles all made it over here in one piece and are helping to make this dwelling away from home “our place” for the next 14 months. I look around and see all the “things” many that are irreplaceable, granted they are just things in the big scheme of things and I can’t take them with when I depart this world but....

To let you know why “things” comes to mind ....today we found out the storage warehouse located here in Stuttgart where all household goods are stored for deployed Service members and civilians until they find housing was destroyed by fire. 106 families have lost EVERYTHING except what they packed in their suitcases for their flight over here. Many of these families are young service members living on limited incomes and are now faced with the daunting task of starting over. The ARMY Garrison community is already reaching out to these families in this time of need. And over time they will be fine, but I can only imagine what they are going through right now.

So yes, my things are just that things.....but they are treasures given to me by those I love and I cherish the memories of the giver as much as the gift!